evaluation

FMP evaluation.

For my FMP I decided to go with mental illness as my theme however as the theme is very broad and can sometimes be extremely complicated at times. With the help of my tutor I narrowed it down and decided to do it based on my “personal journey” which consisted of anxiety which developed into depression and then into agoraphobia. At first I wanted to take a darker approach to this topic and try and raise awareness for this issues and show what can happen if left too long, however college felt that the ideas that I had could be too dark and could strike back bad memory’s for people.  Which honestly left me in the dark for a while as I had been planning what I was going to do for months however I began to get into my artist research and looked at “Salvador Dali”, “Van Gogh”, “Edvard munch” and Picasso. These artist I found suffered from different types of mental illness such as depression, schizophrenia, etc. The once this I noticed was the use of vibrant colours such as yellows, oranges, etc. However as well as artist research I also went to an interview with the local charity team called “The immortals” which are a creative recovery group to help with people struggling with things such as mental illness, drug addictions and alcoholism, they do things such as camping trips, live music/poetry nights, bowling etc. they work to support people and introduce people to others that maybe suffering from the same problems and help people not feel so isolated. As this project was based on my personal experience, I decided to take more inspiration from the artist Picasso and van Gogh who did portraits. I started by taking photos of myself so that I could draw them. I also took a quick look at landscapes in my local area and take my own photographs looking at the abandoned barn at the back of my home, and in the local church graveyard and woods. As I was hoping to do a few surreal landscapes inspired by Dali however through lack of time I didn’t have chance to try any ideas/samples. I also decided to dabble in ceramic workshop making masks as I thought about how my mental illness made me feel like I had to hide behind a mask, however I decided to do a range of them from a normal looking one and also creepy demonic looking type one’s. As I was drawing from my primary photos of myself I ended up trying out different Medias, such as wall paints, chalk pastels, fire, pencil crayon, etc. I also decided to try and merge  two different photos that I took and liked what I saw and decided to try something a bit different and merge the three main emotions I felt while going through my troubles which was fear, sadness and also how I felt like I had to hide it behind a smile. This is what kick started the rest of my ideas into the three featured faces that progress through my project in my samples. One piece in particular came to me when I was having a rather bad day I decided to take it out in my artwork so I grabbed some Indian inks, red and blue. Which I felt represented how I felt at the time a mixture of anger and sadness with something that was effecting me at the time. I then drew a black outline version of my three faced merge painting I did and I found that I was quit taken with the piece of work as it was something I felt had my raw emotion in it.  I believe that if it wasn’t for lack of money I would have tried a lot more things such as jewellery, screen prints, and done more in the ceramic workshop I would have also bort myself newer paintbrushes as I feel that mine where frayed and made it difficult to paint with making my paintings consume more time also restricting my time as well which I felt also held me back as I started to try my hand in Photoshop but with the time limit I felt I didn’t have enough time to learn it and had to leave it in order to finish off the samples I was doing previous. I feel that these constraints influenced my work as I realised I needed to stick with something I was sure and comfortable at in order to get the best out of my FMP. As I already knew I was comfortable with Lino printing I decided to try and make it slightly more challenging but not so much that it would take too much time up. I decided to try printing words with my lino this was difficult as I had to make sure that each letter/word was carved out of the lino backwards. I also decided to try printing with not only water based inks I also experimented in ceramics using glazes trying out all the different colour oxides and the two different glazes. This I found interesting and different however I feel that I still have a lot to learn and develop on in ceramics however that doesn’t put me off as the bits I did do I loved and found relaxing. If there wasn’t a time constraint I would have defiantly experimented in all the workshops and carried out some samples for an idea I had but couldn’t go through with it as I didn’t have enough time. I would have also taken a more relaxed approach to this project so that I weren’t getting too stressed throughout. My final piece at first was extremely disappointing for me as it wasn’t what I had in mind at all. However I came to this design from my lino prints and self-portraits. I liked the black outline version of the three faced merge on the Indian ink backgrounds and decided to try the same style over the top of some of my prints. I felt that this was the way to go for my final design, however I noticed afterword’s that it looked more pop art style instead of any of the art styles I looked at, at the beginning.  I tried experimenting when printing with my lino as I decided to print over the top of Indian inks and also used black acrylic paint instead of water based ink that I usually print with, with lino. I’d say that using black acrylic didn’t work as it dry’s a lot faster than the water based inks making it rip and stick to the paper I tried to print with. I think my masks could have gone better as there not smooth around the edges and I wasn’t sure what glazes and oxides did what, I feel that I would defiantly try ceramics again and try get more of a professional look instead of it being rough around the edges. I would also use a wider range of printing such as screen printing, collagraph or etching. I feel that I didn’t manage my time as well as I would have wanted but I wouldn’t say it was terrible. I think what too most time up was staring some pieces in the jewellery workshop and deciding not to go through with it.  I feel with rushing around trying to get my ideas together what I wanted to do I let my blog slip and left it last minuet once again however I feel it was easier as I did keep doing bits but not publishing them which left me less work to do afterword’s. I feel that my final piece’s and prints however, I feel let down by myself as I feel that I haven’t actually captured  the way my mental illness affected myself and I feel it isn’t my strongest project and if I could do it over I would.  With either a different topic that isn’t so personal to myself or try and go a more abstract approach to the same topic I had chosen. I feel that I met my project proposal but is a very different way than I had originally planned to. I feel that I panicked a bit throughout and kept feeling like my work wasn’t good enough now that I have had time to stand back and look at it I believe this is because of what I previously said and is because I feel that I haven’t captured what I fully wanted to.

ceramic workshop

As I stated in my breath I hope to create some sort of sculptural piece for part of my FMP. This is why I decided to try my hands at ceramics once again. In stead of creating flowers like in my last project, I decided to create a mask as that is how it felt through my issues. I felt like I was always wearing a mask to hid what was relay going on inside my own head. However as I was making these masks my ceramics tutor kept giving me different ideas, As you will see within this blog.




Before doing anything I had to roll out my clay rather thin to prevent my designs being too heavy.



These are the two face molds that I used to create the main shape of my mask designs.
These molds where made out of Plasticine which can cause your ceramic work to explode in the kiln if it gets embedded.








After I had rolled my clay out and chosen which mold I wanted to use first I then carefully placed the clay into the mold and gently pressed it in with a sponge.
I Used a sponge as it prevents the likelihood of piercing the clay and also by using the sponge it gives and even pressure onto the clay preventing the chance of some features being stronger than others




As you can see this didn't quit work for me the first time as it was my first time ever doing something like this and I pierced the clay work. However my tutor showed me to patch them up but she also told me that it would show once its out of the mold. however as I am  basing my final project on Anxiety and depression I decided to keep this look as from my experience I felt like I was falling apart.


As I am also looking at demonic looking shadows and shadowy hands I decided to try and make a hand at shape the fingers to look more ghostly/demonic as I feel it fits in with the rest of my project work.




As one of my ideas was to have writing on a few of my masks I found these stamps out of the cupboards. the stamps are all different sizes and fonts, which I found looked interesting. I had to press these into the rolled out clay before pushing it into the mold.









These are how my masks and hand design came out after they ad been fired in the kiln.

This mask was a plain mold which I did nothing too before or after placing it within the mold as I wanted a "normal" looking mask as that was what I was going for. If I where to do this again I would be more careful when pushing the clay into the nose as it turned out a little wonky and squished. as well as the nose the face shape as a whole is off and looks strange however I feel like this works in a wired way as my project is on mental illness and nothing is what it seems or looks like.










This mask is the one that I molded after pushing letter stamps into the clay. the words I put on the mask are words that described how I felt/feel going through my troubles. I feel that I could have spent more time and care with this mold however I feel that cutting out the eyes made it look more messy and unprofessional. I also feel that by adding such big letters across the mask also made it look strange and wired. even thou this is the effect I was trying to go for I believe that this didn't work the way I wanted it to.  If i were to try this again I would use letter stamps that are the same size instead of different sizes and think more about where I put them instead of just placing them randomly.








This mask is my favorite mask so far as I feel this came out how i was hoping. I decided to  put cracks into it and also while it was in the mold a few places tour meaning I had to patch them us which give the chipped sort of look. within the chipped looking parts I tried to make it look quit scabby. This was my way of expressing how I felt once again going through my troubles. I felt as thou myself and my whole world was falling apart. I feel that I got the overall shape of the face right and the nose didn't squish or go wonky.












After I pulled the clay hand out of the mold I noticed that the top of the fingers looked quite narrow and pointed. This gave me an idea to squish the fingers slightly using my finger tips making them look more skinny and bony. I also really pointed the nail part of the hand to look very sharp almost like animal claws. As one of my pieces is a fairly large cardboard cut out of a shadow, I feel this would look good painted black as it would go well and mach the shadow cutout. I was also thinking about creating a background for the hand that looks like it had been dragged down it ripping the paper or what ever I choose to create my background for this piece.






After my masks and hand was finished I then went on to glazing them.

I decided to use cobalt oxide and water with stone ware trms glaze on the right hand side of the mask and palterson's dry glaze on the left. I decided to do this as I wasn't that happy with how the mask turned out after the glazing however I decided to use it as an opportunity to see how the different glazes look in compassion to each other. also the cobalt oxide is supposed to turn out blue after being kilned one last time. the blue came from inspiration from Picasso blue period, which I looked at for my artist research.

For this sample I used; red iron oxide with candeic and stone ware trms glaze. I saw another sample of how this should turn out, and I liked the rusty look that it can create using this. I also feel that the rusty look and feel will fit in with my project as when metal is rusty it chips away slightly which is how my mental illness made me feel. I also think that it goes with a lot of the metal frames within the abandoned farm at the back of my house which ties in as well with the project.









This sample had been done with; Black iron oxide with red iron oxide with water and stone ware trms (glaze) on the outer parts of the mask and Palterson's dry glaze in the cuts. I used the Black iron oxide as I was told by my ceramic teacher that it can give a burnt look to your clay which I thought would go well with one of my experimental portrait designs I have done. I also decided to carefully add red iron oxide mixed with water into the cracks and cuts to make them look like there fresh and raw as to my project is quit raw and fresh in my mind.













Because This hand is supposed to be some what demonic looking/(creepy) as it is featured I decided to mash a load of the colours together and make it look exceptionally wired and strange to go with the rest of my project.  I used candiec with chromium oxide and black iron oxide with paterson's dry glaze and stoneware trms mixed.